This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
