Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
