i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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