I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize