i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
