When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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