...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
