I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
