Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize