Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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