If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
