I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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