We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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