Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
