At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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