his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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