so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
