Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
