After last night, I could never be a politician.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
