The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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