This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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