my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
You dont lie about slip and slides
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
