Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
