Pregnant stripper...not hot.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Randomize
