Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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