I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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