you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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