I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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