then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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