i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Randomize
