he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
