the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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