Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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