ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
where are you?
Hypothermia
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
