The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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