I got chris browned last night
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Randomize
