so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
