i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize
