I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
