hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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