I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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