I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
