so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
