I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
How does one acquire holy water?
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
