Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Randomize
