I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
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