I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
