my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
