He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
