my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Randomize