This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Randomize
