She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize