So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
