I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
