Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
