I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
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