we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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