so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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