what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
