I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
