I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
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