Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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