I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
