You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
