and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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