I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
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